Allah, Chineke, Eledunmare And The Small gods In Nigeria
Prince Charles Dickson
Jos, Plateau Nigeria

Nigerians… the funniest people on earth, that’s the result of a research I just concluded, the premise is if we are indeed the happiest people it must be because we can find something that we attach our amusement on and as such that thing keeps us amused and somehow we find happiness and bang-we remain happy even in the face of annoying and frustrating reality. Our happiness is also a function of our religious foolishness I hope at this point I am not touching on someone’s sentiments.

In the last couple of days, much has be written, and said both for and against the recent fun that Alamieyeseigha chose to play on Nigerians the governor with the name that has the most letters-14 of them and I am sure the governor with most names Diepreye Solomon Peters Alams, only him. On my part I have tried to put in perspective what all these happenings portend for the ordinary Nigerians on the streets of Lagos, Kano, Aba, Benin and even Nigerians in Diaspora and this is my revelation. My four-year-old dog Esau will be leaving for the Dog Training School in Brixton, he would be studying for a degree in Immunity majoring in Disguise Technology.

As I tried to write this, it occurred to me that with each unfolding drama by those we call leaders our beloved Nigerians is gradually becoming a comic relief. This may be a funny thing to say but I need say at this point it is one of those sad things one has had to say about his nation.

In his broadcast to Baylesa, Alam had quoted the scriptures, precisely Roman 8:28 “that all things work together for good to them who are called according to his purpose”. I am sure the original version sounds much better than this Alams abridged one. Days earlier he had attributed his escape to being an act of God. In his broadcast he talked of persecution, trails and tribulation. The above is partly what makes Nigeria a funny place, the way thieves play with God and his word, be it the Bible or Koran is simply mind-boggling.

How does one escaping or jumping bail sound like or look like “an act of God” when did the God start aiding and abetting criminality, certainly not the God that most of us common men serve in the mosque and church Friday in and Sunday out. How does everything including disguising and jumping bail work together…like the attempted abduction of Chris Ngige works together… the re-absorption of Chris Uba and nomination to the Board of Thieves of the PDP is an act of and is for a purpose…ta zar che 2007. Like the President meeting with traditional rulers to sink in the third term bore hole in their communities will work for good and is an act of God that must be made to come to pass.

I have lost count of how many times I have had to watch the President sing “that things are getting better” when indeed the nation in sinking deep into the waters of corruption, deep waters of misrule and misgovernance all in the name of God.

When Dariye escaped London, I had the misfortune of having to attend one of the thanksgiving services that was held to thank ‘their’ god for saving him from the hands of the devil that Obasanjo was and is, the same god that made it possible for the State House of Assembly not to investigate charges against him much more to impeach him. That god has continued to assist him in his renewed effort to reclaim the locust years which was lost in London as the governor has simply continued his looting from where he stopped buying properties like they are getting out of fashion.

That god has made sure that EFCC is flat footed to the misrule, looting and colonialism of the rulers over the ruled going on in States like Peter Odili’s Rivers, Abdullahi Adamu’s Nassarawa and many more States because they sons of the Almighty god Obj. this god is surely one that is worthy of commendation, I recalled the recent public comedy of, producing receipt for Party donation between Saint Orji Kalu and Pope ObaSani OluAbacha like all such drama, after some few seasons it is off air, that god ensured an amicable settlement through the death of Stella where Orji Kalu was chief Assistant Mourner and so…our god cast the letter of corruption written to EFCC by Orji Kalu on The President to dry land never to torment the President no more, somebody shout hallelujah.

God and Nigerians. Abia State, God’s own state the shock of the dead bodies that was discovered in Aba is still fresh and that the State government instituted a court proceeding against having the federal government probe the deaths is something only a Nigerian god can condone. However that state helmsman has showed faith in that Nigerian god that has saved him from Obasanjo’s wrath on several occasions. That is why the god of Nigeria which revealed to the governor that his President was equally a thief has made sure by faith the allegation is now like pouring water on a fowls feather- come and go.

In Nigeria the gods are plenty, we have the god of PDP, the god of Obasanjo and Obasanjo the god, the opposition God, the god of thieves. Alams’ god of women. The god of Atiku and the PDM. The EFCC god, that is still dazed at how the god of Alams outsmarted their own god. There is the corporate god, which helps the likes of MTN to make a profit after tax of N41.6billion for rendering epileptic GSM services to Nigerians. That god has made sure while oil comes from one end of the Niger Delta another end “wacks” the money

This Nigerian god facilitates the recognition of the likes of Chris Uba with titles such as Onwa Augata, Ochiaga, Esele N’Uga and such nonsense titles that ridicule the collective sensibility of millions of sane Igbos by claiming to be a leader yet cannot spell his baptismal name in Latin. The god in Nigeria smiles as 3, 000 health workers are dismissed by the Federal Capital Authority for asking for their right. Their sack must have been an act of god… this god makes sure we have a national assembly that is an extension of the executive’s agbada cloth.

That god ensures that while a State like Osun would be budgeting N26 billion for 2006, one man who stole three quarters of that amount-over 17 billion will bounce back in less than four mouths from the temporary set back. That god has made sure that Dariye governor of Plateau since his escape from London has not entered a plane even to Lagos for fear that the plane may land on the Seme border and boom “dem go catch am”.

In the battle of gods, the god of the government Obasanjo is still dazed at how it lost to Alams gods, that god is now battling with the god of the so-called elders of the north who have in the past simply mortgaged the lives of millions for a plate of masa and a cup of nunu and now we are crying foul. The god of Politics in Nigeria is on rampage with angels MDD and MRD the latest recruits making statements preparatory to a holy war called OPERATION 2007. That god has ensured the steady supply of wars Obj/Atiku Uba/Chris, Dariye/Mantu, Ladoja/Adedibu, Tinubu/Ogunlewe and co

Our god in Nigeria has made sure that as gradually the families of the 117 Nigerians that lost their lives continue to mourn, the government is embarking on another hippopotamus drive with a N70 million monument in Lisa, a village that has no portable water, that god has made sure the country is no stranger to the bizarre, odd and unbelievable, like Nigerians dying of hunger, unemployment on the rise, and the President and Minister of Tourism sitting side by side like a clown and masquerade opening a carnival where billions will have disappeared and that god has permitted the sacking of 32, 000 civil servants in the name of downsizing and rightsizing, thereby facilitating increase in crime rate, death of pensioners as no preparation has been made for the eminent sack.

That god has ravaged the education of the nation in a manner not know anywhere, say like the demons of post UME test which has seen a medical student in the making tell us the difference between mammals and plants is that one marries the other does not marry, he sure was right man as mammal certainly would marry except he/she chooses otherwise, plants do not. The god has made sure that while 40, 000 or so law graduates cannot attend law school some five years after they have graduated and are qualified. This same god has acted in a manner such that the best education one get is outside Nigeria.

Our god leaves us at the mercy of robbers, miscreants and no-goods as the Police, Navy, Air Force, and Soldiers battle themselves over N20. Since 1999 I painfully but truthfully say that as resources available to all tiers of government has increased so has looting by government officials that is why must States have demons for governors I know of one such that spends 10, 000 Dollars a day on foreign travels looking for foreign investments, another one travels abroad with three university of…. girls as domestic staff for a foreign bed in a foreign land, I thank the real God for the god of EFCC, the fear of an airport nay a plane is the beginning of wisdom.

Talking about these demons in the name of governors, not all are bad as in BAD but it has become difficult to see through a finger that is still clean after the hand has picked grease and been placed on sand. The god of Nigeria has put perpetual fear on Nigerians abroad such that they live in the shame and embracement of what their leaders do at home, that same god is chasing the few left at home to places like Ghana, Togo and the Gambia for the good life. I had a talk with a Patriot flying the flag abroad and the sadness was evident in his voice, even the millions of miles in distance could not hide it.

Leadership with a human face has gone on leave because the true living God the Almighty Allah is distraught. He certainly is hurt at why He left the structure called Nigeria to the British to conjure up this pain. I once heard a pastor while driving pass a church shout “Oh God arise let your enemies be scattered” I am sure God is getting ready, the delay being that Nigerians are still enjoying drinking pepper soup, Isi Ewu and Amala with pomo sent down the tummy with a bottle of Gulder at Mama Born Boy’s Kitchen at Ojuelgba, while the country is in flame. We need to make sacrifices to the one true and real almighty Allah only then would we experience the virtues of equality, justice, fair play, good governance, honest and focus driven leadership. It is sad because the picture is a bleak black and white copy. The snakes are emitting dangerous venoms rather than kill them; we are setting up committees on snakes. Almighty Allah save us from the gods that are in control now.