Pius Adesanmi:

Very interesting observation. I think the problem lies mostly in the
ego/the psychological constitution of the African male and its inability
to adapt or resign to the totally different role and space accorded it
in the North American context. The condition of the North American male
- Homo Occidentalis Americanus - in the marriage equation is terrible
and unspeakable. I always tell my interventionist Western feminist
friends, desirous of saving the "third world woman", especially the
African woman, to save the North American male first because his
condition is infinitely worse than that of the African woman. More often
than not, he is the one who loses everything - the car, the house, the
children - at the slightest phonecall from madam. Any little argument
and he is the one who is handcuffed out of his own home until madam
authorizes his return. There is nothing funnier than having your North
American buddy tell you that he cannot join you in the pub for that beer
becos "I gotta pick up my kids from their friend's birthday". And you
start wondering, the Nigerian way, "who told this man that they are his
kids?" The day madam makes that phonecall is when he knows who truly
owns the kids around here. The socialization of the African bride into
this asymmetrical gender power structure - where the cards are
completely dealt against the man - begins at the airport. Every cultural
index, every structure that produces social meaning tells the bride,
fresh from Africa, that she's the boss around here and she owns
everything from the kids to the house. She knows that 911 and handcuffs
are always there to call our friend to order if he doesn't get the
message, discard his African psychological constitution, and behave. The
inability of the African male to make that transition to complete
emasculation accounts for the doom of African marriages here.